Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Guess who...

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Animals Here Hate Me

I can't quite figure it out. I love animals. I even love insects and go out of my way to help them along every now and again. Stuck in the tub little spider? No worries, I'll save you! So why is it that it seems that the animals here are out to get me? I've been harassed by a donkey...remember the cute one that I posted on this site? A killer...nearly decked me and Sophie, David's 12 year old daughter who was almost trampled until I threw myself in the path of the beast. Last week I got stung by a wasp as I was sleepily crawling out of my bed and putting on my flip flops. What kind of animal/insect hides in a flip flop? Not exactly the way I wanted to wake up that day...and almost a week later, my foot starts itching in the exact spot where I was stung and now, of course, I think that it laid eggs in my foot or was carrying some flesh eating disease on its stinger - I know, crazy talk on my part but I have a really active imagination. The hum dinger to this whole animal thing is that somehow I've upset the local highland bull. I go running in the evening and end up going down this really peaceful, solitary road not far from here. On either side of the road are fields. The one to the north has the sheep, the one to the south has a horse and two highland bulls. It's a glorious setting for a run. On my last outing I was on my way back home, passing the bulls for a second time and one happened to be right by the fence. Normally they just stare at me and go on eating but in this instance one of them was giving me the evil eye. And as I was checking him out, he starts flailing his head a bit while he's glaring at me. Then he starts dancing around, kicking a little bit and yet he has not taken his eyes away from me and I am reminded of what an annoyed bull looks like from all the crappy bull fighting movies/videos I've watched. At first I knd of think it's funny but I realize at some point that he is really pissed off. Then I look at the fence which, in this particular spot, happens to be lying on the ground. SHIT. I don't know whether or not He realizes the fence is down but I suddenly start looking around for an escape plan should he come charging at me in order to gore me (because that's what they do) but I am on an open road. Can I outrun him? Probably not. Can I jump over the other fence on the north side of the road? Maybe but he might get a good jab at me before I'm actually over it and how will I get home if I'm bleeding to death from a giant gash? And because I don't have a magenta dress cape to throw him off, I start running like crazy only I'm not looking straight ahead because I need to keep an eye on the monstrous quadruped and I run straight in to a thorny bush and scrape the heck out of my legs. Even though it does no good and it's very childish, when I am finally at a safe distance I start yelling at the beast exactly what I think of him. What an asshole.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Terror at the Lake!

A band of sheep terrorise an unsuspecting lab. Check out the sheep wars!